


As we are now

by imnotbuck



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Ass Play, Blow Jobs, Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Claiming Bites, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Love Bites, M/M, Marking, Mild Blood, Mpreg, Non-Graphic Violence, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Rimming, Scent Marking, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-08-31 04:16:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8563678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotbuck/pseuds/imnotbuck
Summary: Bucky experiences his first heat– twice.





	1. One

1933

Information on male omegas is scarce. It's shameful for a man to be born into that class because men are betas and alphas, that's how it's always been. Women are omegas because they are meant to be bred with and bear children—men are meant to breed. Male omegas haven't been born for years, if they have then they've been hidden away for their own protection. A male omega is dangerous because a male scent can overpower any alpha or beta in their area. Male omegas aren't normal.

Bucky is absolutely terrified. Instead of being an alpha like his runaway father he's an omega like his mother and sister. He doesn't know how he's supposed to act and can't be trained because his family decides to keep it a secret. Pretending to be a beta is difficult but it's his only choice because there's no way to prove that he isn't one until he reaches full maturity. 

He meets Steve at age six. Steve is small and sickly but an alpha. It shows in how bullheaded he is and his confrontational streak. Bucky immediately falls under his protection and because Steve is an alpha he isn't challenged even though he's small. When he tells Steve his secret he isn't met with disgust like he expects; Steve actually hugs him and tells him that he'll protect him no matter what. He'll do whatever he needs to do in order to keep Bucky safe because that's what friends do. 

It's easy for his childhood because no one really cares about what class children are from, they're all treated essentially the same. But at age 16 Bucky can't deny his position anymore because he's experiencing his first heat cycle. 

He's seen his mother and sister go through heats and even helped them but his own is hell. He's been running a fever for days and leaking natural slick, his limbs quivering so badly he can't even stand. Even he can smell the scent wafting from him so he's locked himself in his room with blankets and towels blocking the openings in the window and door. The fabric is the only thing keeping his scent from leaving his room and the safety of his house is guaranteed to allow him to last the heat unscathed. But he doesn't know how he'll manage to survive such a terrible thing because there's only one thing to truly help him and that's an alpha. 

Steve comes over on day two of his cycle. He can hear him from his room—Steve is trying to reason with his mother and allow him to see Bucky. Though they're rooms apart he can feel Steve's power and almost taste his musk. His teeth chatter and a howl threatens to rip from his throat because he can't stand it. Steve is his best friend, he cannot want him that way. He tries to tell himself that it's his body making him react this way but knows that it isn't. 

"I can help him." He hears Steve say in his strongest voice. It's not a command yet but it's nearing that point. "I don't have to—all I need to do is be near him. My scent'll calm him."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"You know I'd never hurt him, Miss Barnes. All I want is to help."

"He's in awful shape, Steve."

"That's why I need to be here. He'll be okay s'long as I am." His mother sighs. 

"Alright." He wants to tell her to keep Steve away but can't. Steve's scent grows closer and his heart thumps wildly. Bucky jumps off of his bed but has to crawl into the corner. When the door opens he shrinks away in shame. He doesn't look up when it closes again because he doesn't need to; Steve's presence is overpowering his senses. 

"Hey buddy." Steve says in a gentle voice. "How ya doin'?" Bucky whimpers. "Well that was a real stupid question. I know you ain't well, but I'm here now." Steve walks over to him calmly and he curls in on himself as best he can. "Just me pal. You know I won't hurt ya." 

"You—you, hurts so bad." He can't even form proper sentences he's that far gone. "Hurts."

"I know Buck. That's why I came—to help my best guy." 

"Dunno what to do." 

"Will you let me help?"

"How?" Steve lowers himself to his knees and carefully folds Bucky into his chest. The touch of Steve's skin is electric and his blood sings. 

"Touch is good." Steve says softly. "It's supposed to help. But uh, smell me."

"Huh?"

"Let me.. here." Steve positions his head so that his nose rests in the joint between his neck and shoulder. "Take a breath, Bucky." Bucky listens and the impact is instant. Steve's scent invades his body and makes all of the noise inside of him stop. Everything becomes clear and his focus shifts to rest solely on Steve. "That better?"

"Y—yeah."

"Good." Steve starts to rub his back and he fights to contain a purr. 

"How d'you know all this?"

"Classes." 

"They teach ya this?"

"Mm. An alpha's gotta know how to take care of their omega." Bucky's body stiffens. 'Their' implies that he's Steve's omega and it sounds too appealing to be normal. "I—I didn't mean that you're mine. Alphas need to be prepared from an early age."

"You smell good." Bucky murmurs and inhales deeply. 

"Thanks." Steve says with a chuckle. "You too." 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Real good; can't describe it but I like it." There's a humming in his chest that's quickly building to a deep want. Steve makes a mistake and strokes his hair, his fingers running through the sweat soaked strands and touching the nape of Bucky's neck. He whines loudly and Steve nearly jumps. 

"No—no, Steve you've gotta let me up."

"Why?"

"'Cause!" Bucky can feel himself hardening, his nipples tightening. "You gotta listen!"

"What's going on?" Steve's voice is edgy with panic but his hold tightens. It's an automatic nurturing response that all alphas have when an omega is in distress. 

"Steve." He whines again. "Please, please let me go." 

"You're scaring me!"

"I'm scared." He gasps and manages to get himself out of Steve's hold. He scrambles to his cot and curls up as small as he can. "I'm scared Stevie!"

"Let me help."

"You can't," He gasps and a warm gush of slick rushes down his thighs. His cock presses uncomfortably against his pyjamas. "Oh, oh." He groans. "Steve.."

"Tell me what's wrong." Steve is too close again. His body refuses to move away because he wants this too badly. "I can only help if you tell me."

"You smell so good." He pants. "Like.. Like safety. And your hands feel great—touched my neck and I.." Steve is silent for an agonizing amount of time and Bucky covers his face. Tears slip free undetected and he trembles all over. Steve sits down on the cot beside him and touches his shoulder. 

"Hey, hey. It's all okay Buck. It's just me—your Stevie." He actually mewls. Steve tenses and both of their bodies heat up. "You want me and that's fine." 

"It isn't!"

"Ain't nothin' wrong with wanting an alpha, Buck. Only natural."

"But you're my friend!"

"Which makes it better, 'cause I know you." 

"What..?"

"Look at me, sugar." Bucky gasps and looks at him in shock. Steve smiles shyly. The eye contact makes his shaking lessen. "See? That's better."

"You.. you called me sugar."

"That okay?"

"Yeah." Steve slides over and runs his fingers across Bucky's cheekbone, making him shiver. "Stevie.."

"I want you too." 

"Really?"

"Always have, stupid." Bucky's nose wrinkles.

"I like sugar better."

"We won't go far this time, Buck. But I'll help—do whatever you need. Just let me."

"I—okay." Steve lies down beside him and Bucky settles against his chest. Steve's hand slides under the back of his shirt and caresses his slick skin, a purr bubbling free. "Steve." He buries his face in Steve's neck again and breathes in rhythmically. 

"That's it, sugar." Steve sighs. "Nice and calm for me." Steve switches his palm for his knuckles and runs them along Bucky's lower back. The change is nice and makes his muscles relax. "That's much better."

"Mm." Steve's presence is unbelievably comforting and he wonders how he never truly noticed before. "Warm." He brushes his lips across Steve's throat and hears him exhale shakily. "Asthma?"

"No, Buck." He kisses Bucky's forehead. "Just.. that felt nice."

"Good." He repeats the actions but slows himself down, dragging his lips back and forth with effort. Steve surprises him by groaning. "You like it, Alpha?" Steve moans loudly. 

"Fuck." 

"What?" 

"You—calling me Alpha, that's swell."

"Really?"

"Yeah, heard about that too. It's, it's, like begging? An omega's natural submissive response." Bucky flushes with mortification.

"That's embarrassing."

"It's not! That means you're comfortable around me." He whispers. "And that you're submitting to me."

"You want that?"

"Every alpha wants an omega to submit to them. 'Specially their omega."

"Is that what I am, Stevie?" He asks hopefully. "Yours?"

"If you want to be."

"I do." He doesn't hesitate for even a second.

"We're a bit young for a claiming but I can.. I can scent mark you." Bucky knows all about scent marking; it involves a lot of touching and rubbing and other satisfying things. "If you want."

"Please." Steve moves Bucky's head away from his neck and he makes a noise of pure distress. "It's okay, sugar. I'm right here." 

"Stevie.." Steve kisses him then and he grips his shoulder carefully. Bucky's never kissed anyone before and the light touch of Steve's lips is amazing. He's melting but frozen and Steve just continues to brush their lips together repeatedly. He moans and pushes their bodies closer. 

"You're so beautiful, Buck." Bucky blushes hard. "Always smell so good."

"Before this?"

"Hell yes." Steve's lips stray from his and slide down to his jaw. His kisses linger there, soft and sweet, for a while. Bucky's trembling with need and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do next but knows that he absolutely has to do something. He leans his head back and Steve's lips find their way to his throat. He inhales and moans, tongue jutting out and swiping across Bucky's damp skin. 

"Oh lord." Bucky whimpers. "Feels amazing." 

"You're mine now, Bucky." 

"Yeah." He replies and licks his dry lips. "Yours, Alpha." Steve moves to the joint connecting his neck and his shoulder and clamps down. He jolts and whines high enough to be embarrassing. Steve doesn't break the skin but sucks hard enough to leave a brilliant mark. "Please, please, Stevie. Mark me please."

"Okay sugar." Steve pulls Bucky's undershirt over his head and throws it over his shoulder then lies Bucky underneath him. Steve is small but so, so warm. Bucky arches into his touch and Steve rubs his palms down Bucky's chest, the rough skin scraping against his oversensitive nipples and a cry coming free. "When I'm done, there'll be no mistaking that you're mine." Steve's eyes dance with pure pleasure. "Mine."

"Please." He begs. "Want this so much, I'm goin' crazy Stevie."

"I've got you." Steve presses the length of his body against Bucky and starts to rut against him. Their hips slide together and he can feel all of the sharp angles of his body which only enhances his senses. He wants to scream but can't risk his ma or sisters or even the neighbours hearing. He can feel Steve's musk seeping into his skin and moans low in his throat. "That's it, sugar, let me in." 

"Please.. please.."

"What do you need?" Bucky tilts his hips up and whines. "Tell me." 

"You." Steve kisses his way down Bucky's chest and stomach, stopping at the waistband of his pyjamas and staring up at him. "God, please." Steve pulls his pants down and stares at him hungrily. "Please, Stevie. Stevie—I—" Slick rushes out of him and leaks onto the bed. Steve's eyes darken. 

"Holy crap, Buck. You're soaked!"

"Shut up!"

"It's.. jeez." He lowers his head and actually licks his cleft. Bucky mewls loudly. 

"Fuck, what're you doing?" Steve continues to lap at him. Steve spreads his thighs more and slurps the liquid up messily. "Oh, oh, Stevie—yeah, lick it up." He grabs Steve's hair and tries to pull him closer. "Take it all, Alpha. It's yours, I'm yours." Steve moans against him and the vibration makes his back arch. Steve licks him with ravenous need, his tongue swiping up and down rapidly. It feels way too good, he doesn't know if there's anything better. 

"God, you taste as good as I thought." Bucky whines softly. "Mine, all mine." Steve lowers his mouth and starts to suck on the sensitive skin of his asshole. His chest heaves and his heart pounds just as fast. Steve spreads him wider with the pads of his thumbs and shoves his tongue into him. Bucky shoves his fist into his mouth to muffle his scream. Steve thrusts his tongue in and out of him, wiggling and curling it in the most devastating ways. He mewls desperately and rocks his hips to meet Steve's working tongue. 

"Please, please Stevie. Need more—oh please.." Steve pulls back and Bucky moans when he sees how wet his face is. Steve licks his lips then wipes his palm across his face, gathering the slick, and licks his palm. Bucky's cock throbs. "I need more, please. Gotta—please." Steve nods and yanks his own pants and underwear down. Bucky stares longingly at Steve's hard cock, eyes lingering on his knot. "I'm, please.." 

"I got ya, sugar." Steve climbs on top of him and pushes Bucky's thighs apart, shoving his cock between them and forcing them shut again. He moans at the feeling of Steve's cock pulsing so close to where he needs it. "I'm right here." 

"Alpha." He whines and Steve starts to thrust. The feeling is amazing and intimate; Steve's cock rubbing along his slick inner thighs causes sparks to fly through his veins. He tightens his hold and Steve's knot catches, both of them groaning. "Please baby, please." 

"You're such a good boy." Steve coos and makes him tremble. Bucky shifts his hips back and forth as a makeshift way of riding him. Steve's soft groan spurs him on and he moves faster, his cock bobbing against his stomach. "A good boy for me, Buck. Perfect." 

"Steve, Stevie, alpha." He babbles. "Oh, oh, yes, Stevie..!" Slick slides out of him, burning hot, and makes Steve's thrusts even smoother. The lack of proper friction is maddening but he needs it so much. "More, more!"

"Hush, sugar." Steve purrs. "You're gonna be a good boy for me and quiet down, aren't ya?" He nods, lips parted in a silent moan. "My good omega, mm sugar." Steve kisses him and he moans loudly into his mouth. He can feel Steve's knot expanding and he stifles the urge to beg to be fucked. He knows that it's too soon for that, even if they haven't officially claimed each other he could still get pregnant. 

Steve maneuvers himself onto the bed with Bucky on top of him. He's scared of hurting him because he's so small but Steve shows no signs of discomfort. He mouths at Bucky's neck and sucks a mark onto his scent gland, making him jerk and spasm. Steve's teeth scrape the tiniest bit and he cums, his thighs clenching around his knot. 

"That's it, sugar. So sweet, so perfect.." 

"Knot me, knot me, Stevie please." 

"Not yet baby." Bucky pulls himself off of Steve and before the alpha can protest he slides down between Steve's thighs and sucks his cock into his mouth. 

He can taste his slick all over him and mewls, taking in as much as he can. He moves his head back and forth, taking Steve to the back of his throat then letting only his tip remain inside. Steve growls low in his throat and Bucky goes all in, taking Steve's cock into his mouth until his knot is trapped behind his teeth and his nose is pressed against the coarse hair at his pelvis. 

"Oh fuck, sugar, that's amazin'." Steve moans and pets his hair. He can't really breathe but he refuses to pull back any; they both want this too damn much. He can only swallow around him but it's enough to make Steve cum straight down his throat, his knot growing briefly before shrinking down moderately. He stays there with Steve's cock in his mouth for a few minutes before pulling away and making a nest between his thighs using the rolled up sheet. "You're mine, sugar." Steve mumbles groggily. Bucky smiles and brushes his lips across his inner thigh. 

"Yours, alpha." 

2016

Bucky hasn't experienced his heat in over 70 years. The stress of the war was a natural suppressant and being under HYDRA's control made it impossible. They kept him on ice for long enough that he didn't have time for it to happen and before they froze him the chair screwed up his brain chemistry as well as his physical instincts, so he never had to go through it. He'd forgotten the horrors of an omega's first heat but now, he's facing it all again. 

At first he tries to pretend like it isn't happening. He forces himself to ignore the physical pain it causes him and the slick that slides out of him whenever Steve is close. Then the emotional aspect sets in and he's unable to stop the mood swings and need to touch. He rubs up against the sheets of his bed and when that isn't enough, he subtly steals some of Steve's blankets. He makes a nest that smells like his alpha and ruts against the bed until he cums with a cry of Steve's name. 

Steve finds him just like that on the fourth day of his heat. He's lying on his stomach with his back arched and face buried in one of Steve's stolen pillows. It smells so strongly of him that breathing it in hurts his lungs. He thrusts back and forth, his cock rubbing uncomfortably against the much too soft material. He begs as if Steve is there touching him, memories of his actual first heat supplying him with realistic enough sensations. 

"Bucky." He hears Steve's rough voice but can't stop. Slick slides out of him and he cries out, bending his arm back in a position that would hurt in any other situation and shoving two of his fingers into himself. Steve inhales sharply and he whines like a needy kitten. "God, you're in heat?" 

"Oh, oh, please.." He feels the dip in the mattress and Steve crawls between his spread legs. 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We haven't," He gasps. "we haven't talked about this s—since before the war. I didn't, I couldn't." 

"You can't go through this alone." 

"Couldn't ask you for this." They haven't really touched since Wakanda and it wasn't intimate. He couldn't bring himself to beg for what he needed; loving and gentle reassurance through petting and kissing and snuggling. 

"You can ask me for anything, you need to know that." 

"Didn't know if you'd still want this."

"Why wouldn't I?" Steve snarls and surprises him. "I love you, Bucky, you've been mine from the first time I saw you when we were goddamn kids." 

"Steve.." Steve pulls Bucky's fingers out of him and he whines at the loss. 

"You think that I'm glad that we never got around to claiming each other, don't you." 

"I didn't.. I don't.." 

"I think about it everyday and I hate it. The fact that you don't have my mark on your neck bothers me to no end." 

"You didn't get to knot me either." He whispers and Steve sighs. The truth is that despite what Steve probably thinks, he's a virgin. He's never had anything inside of him other than his fingers, HYDRA tech, or certain parts of Steve. He's never wanted anyone else, not once, and so he was willing to wait until Steve was ready. It didn't come in time. 

"Let me help you, sugar." Bucky collapses onto the bed, pushing his rear out and presenting himself in a perfect display of submission. "That's a good boy." Steve runs his hand down Bucky's spine and sighs. "You're so beautiful, Buck. Love you so much." 

"Love you too." He gasps. "Love you, love you, love you." Steve presses a gentle kiss to his tailbone and slides lower until he reaches his cleft. He trembles when he feels Steve's breath ghosting over his asshole. Instead of taking it slow like before Steve spreads him wide and latches his mouth directly onto his hole, sucking and slurping roughly. He howls and pounds his fist against the bed. "Alpha please!" Slick pours out of him and into Steve's waiting mouth, warm and wet. His body shakes and he pushes back onto his mouth. 

Steve eats him until he's sobbing and continues even after he cums. It's too much but not even close to enough. He wants whatever Steve wants and maybe more. Steve's tongue thrusts in and out of him and he growls against his slick flesh. He's pliant and desperate by the time Steve pulls away. 

"Please, Stevie, baby, please claim me." Steve flips him onto his back and stares down at him, the lower half of his face glistening. Bucky can't resist; he sits up halfway and licks the slick from Steve's jaw and mouth. Steve groans loudly and kisses him, Bucky's lips parting immediately. Steve slots one of thighs between Bucky's and Bucky ruts against it. He's mewling uncontrollably and his hips are moving so fast that it hurts. He cums again and slick rushes out of him, wetting Steve's thigh. 

"You feel like heaven, sugar. I've been waiting for you to come to me for months. I wanted to give you time to fall back into our relationship but you just wouldn't... Thought you didn't remember." 

"I didn't think you'd want me." 

"I'll always want you, Buck. I love you."

"Stevie, please claim me. Please, please.." 

"S'okay sugar, I'm here now. I'll take care of you." 

Soon, not soon enough, Steve is sliding into him. His cock feels so amazing inside of him that his breath is punched right out of his lungs and he can only moan. Steve's arms are braced on either side of his head and his hips are fitted snugly against his ass, their bodies pressed amazingly close. He feels safe and warm and loved— it's everything that he's been wanting his entire life. Steve spends an incredible amount of time immobile inside of him, his cock pulsing and twitching. 

"Please Stevie." Steve pushes his face into his shoulder and nods. He pulls back and Bucky cries, clutching at him. 

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise, sugar. I'm not leaving." Steve starts to thrust into him, his hips rolling and cock hitting sensitive nerves. He moans and slick continues to slide free. "Sugar, you're so good." 

"Stevie, baby, harder." He pushes back and forth, the smell of his slick and Steve's arousal filling the air with musk. Bucky cries out and meets his thrusts with downward bucks of his hips. "Yes, yes!" 

"Buck, baby, that's perfect. You're the best sugar. The sweetest guy in the world and all mine." 

"Breed me." He cries. "Breed me alpha, please!” The idea of Steve not knotting him, not cumming in him, makes him panic. He can't stand it. “Please, want your knot! Please alpha!” 

“You wanna have my pups?” Steve croons. Bucky nods frantically. “You wanna have my pups, be a good mom to our babies?” 

“Yes, yes, alpha. Please breed me.” Tears well up in his eyes and he hiccups wetly. “I need you– please..” Steve's eyes soften and he kisses him so sweetly it hurts. 

“I love you Bucky. I'm gonna give you everything; you'll never be alone again.” Bucky sobs and holds Steve tightly. “You'll never be scared or doubt again. I'm with you, omega.” 

“Please..” Steve thrusts slowly, taking his time to give Bucky as much pleasure as possible. He kisses Bucky's neck and nuzzles his skin. “I love you alpha.” 

“I'm gonna claim you now, Buck. You'll be mine forever.” With the serum in him, Bucky's afraid that the mark won't take. He might heal too fast for it to really sink in. But he can't take not being Steve's officially anymore– it hurts too much.

“Yes, yes Steve. Please claim me.” 

“I love you.” Steve laps at his bonding gland, mouths at him and inhales. “Mine.” Steve says, opens his mouth and fits his teeth to Bucky's gland. He bites down and pushes his teeth in deep. Bucky wails and clenches around Steve's cock, his body desperate to keep his alpha close. Steve pulls back and licks the blood away, kisses it. “You're so beautiful.” 

“Knot me..” 

“Let me in, omega. Come on baby.” Bucky whines and loosens his muscles, slick sliding free. Steve makes an appreciative sound and pushes closer. He feels Steve's knot presses against his hole and mewls helplessly. “You're such a good omega, so sweet and wonderful.” 

“Alpha..” Steve's knot pops past his rim and Bucky screams. Steve groans and Bucky's body tightens, locking them together by instinct. 

“Oh baby, sugar, this is amazing. God you're so good.” Steve's thrusts are small and short now but his knot pushes and pulls. Bucky babbles mindlessly and digs his nails into Steve's shoulders. “I'm almost there baby. I'm gonna give you pups.” 

“A family..” Steve starts to stroke Bucky's cock. He rubs his thumb against his slit and kisses his Bucky deeply. Bucky can taste his blood fresh on Steve's tongue and loves everything about it. “Alpha!” He screams when Steve hits his prostate directly. “Alpha, m’yours!” 

“And I'm yours, omega.” Bucky cums hard and slumps against the bed. Steve rolls his hips and ruts against Bucky, rubbing out his orgasm. Steve's knot locks them and pushes his cum deep into him. He whimpers and mewls, nuzzling Steve's neck and pressing a few soft kisses there.

“Sleep baby, I'll be right here.” Bucky nods and closes his eyes. He falls asleep with Steve's knot still buried inside of him.

-

Steve's mark has already turned into a scar but it stands out starkly against his skin. He touches it when he feels uneasy and Steve runs his mouth across it whenever he possibly can.

“So?” Steve asks from the other room. Bucky washes his shaking hands and dries them quickly. He takes a deep breath and shakes himself out then walks back into the bedroom. Steve is sitting on the bed, his fists curled around the blanket beneath him. He looks up at Bucky eagerly even though they both promised not to get their hopes up.

Bucky grins, nods. Steve's jaw drops. “Positive.” Bucky says and Steve jumps up. He runs over and scoops Bucky up but is careful not to put pressure on his stomach. “We're gonna have our pups.”

“I knew it,” Steve whispers and kisses his mark,”I knew it.”


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How they lived before the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning on continuing this but it got such a positive response do here this is. I might have another chapter left in me but we'll see.

When Sarah passes away, it's Bucky who cares for Steve. Most alphas would refuse being taken care of, but Steve doesn't care. They move into a ratty apartment in Brooklyn and are given food by Bucky's family and people mourning Sarah's death. Steve is in no shape to do anything other than offer a few words of gratitude so he's unable to look after Bucky like an omega needs of their alpha, but it doesn't matter. They curl up against each other night after night, spend their days lazing around, until Bucky has to get a job. That's where Steve draws the line and it comes to a head.

“You can't be angry, Steve.” Bucky says quietly. Steve is scowling furiously with his arms crossed. He won't look at him. “You know that this doesn't change anything, don't you?”

“It does Bucky.” Steve sounds both hurt and angry. “No self respecting alpha lets their omega pull all the weight. You're not supposed to be taking care of us– that's my job.” 

“You are taking care of us. You take care of me real well.” Bucky sits down on the bed in front of him. “I'm lucky to have an alpha who treats me like you do.” 

“Don't patronize me.” Steve snaps. Bucky flinches and looks down. 

“I wasn't tryin’ to.” He murmurs. “I'm serious– you give me everything I need.” 

“Really? You need to work two jobs? You need to worry that your alpha could keel over any second?” Bucky's eyes fill with tears. He refuses to think of things like that. Sure Steve gets sick pretty often but he won't leave him. He won't.

“Don't say shit like that.”

“You know it just as well as I do. A strong breeze could kill me!” 

“I said don't say that!” Bucky screams. Steve jerks back in surprise. “Don't throw that into the universe. Someone, someone looking out could hear you and think you want that. They, they could take you away from me!” Bucky starts to cry and tries desperately to stop himself. It's no use; the image of Steve, his alpha and best friend, dying on him is stuck in his mind. He'll be all alone. He can't love anyone else– he'll be Steve's until the day he dies and he intends to grow old with him. “They could take you away, Steve!” 

“Bucky.” Steve's voice holds none of the anger it did just a minute ago. “M'sorry baby, that was stupid. I shouldn't have said that.”

“You can't leave me.” He whimpers. “That's not– it's not how it works. You picked me, you don't get to leave!” 

“I'm sorry Bucky. That was mean of me to say; you know I'm not leaving you.” 

“You can't.. that's not fair.” Steve wraps himself around Bucky and pulls down onto the bed. Bucky buries his nose in his neck, right over his scent gland, and inhales repeatedly. “I know you're mad at me, but don't go.” Steve makes a sad noise and holds him tight. 

“I'm not mad at you, sugar. I just hate that this is how things are. I wanna be the perfect alpha and give you the life you should have.”

“You’re perfect, alpha. I don't want anything else. I love you alpha.” Steve sighs fondly.

“I love you too, omega.” Steve says and Bucky noses along his throat. His scent isn't clogged with anger and pain anymore; he smells like burned brown sugar and smoke; sweet and intoxicating. “You're wonderful and sweet, a fresh cherry in the dead of winter.” 

“Mmm..” Bucky purrs. He laps at Steve's neck, desperate to have him. “Alpha..”

“I always hoped we'd be mates. Ever since I learned what a mate was I wished for one; I wanted someone to love and be loved by without carin’ about anything else.” Steve strokes the nape of Bucky's neck and makes him mewl. “We were just kids when you came along and I knew. I knew it was you. But I thought you were a beta and it hurt more than any illness or injury. An ache bone deep.”

“Stevie, was always you.”

“I know baby, I know. That's why I was willing to protect you with everythin’ I had from the start. I still am Buck.” Bucky kisses Steve's neck and feels his own tingle. He longs for Steve to claim him that way but he can't ask. Steve is afraid for reasons he won't tell him about and he won't push him. It's the same reason Steve won't knot him even though they've been mates for nearly five years. “You're my sweet little omega.”

“Yeah, m’yours. Alpha, my alpha.” Steve scratches the nape of his neck and he moans low in his throat. Steve's answering rumble makes his body thrum.

“Thank you sugar. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'll never leave you, not without a fight.” Bucky's thighs quiver, arousal coiling inside of him. He knows that Steve can feel it.

“Oh alpha.” Bucky whines. “Please, can we?” 

“Lie back for me baby.” Bucky gets on his back and Steve settles between his thighs. Steve pulls off Bucky's boxers and sighs at the sight of his leaking cock and slick hole. “My beautiful omega.” Bucky pulls his knees to his chest to give Steve a better look. He knows that his alpha loves to look at how his entrance quivers with the need to be touched. “Look at my good boy. The best boy.” 

Bucky knows he isn't an ideal omega. He's too tall and muscled, his scent isn't right, and he's a man most of all. He knows this, but Steve doesn't. Steve looks at him as if he's the perfect specimen and a gift to the world. He loves that Steve accepts him for who he is and would never change him, because that feeling is shared.

“You smell so good, sugar. Never been anything better.” Steve spreads him with his hands and lowers his head to lick up some of his slick. Bucky moans and holds his legs up with shaking hands. Steve pushes his tongue inside along with one of his fingers. 

“Stevie,” he chokes, “more!” Steve rubs another of his fingers along Bucky's rim, his body loosening and stretching to accept him. “Alpha!” He knows he should be quiet but he can't hold anything back. He needs Steve to know how good he makes him feel. 

Steve growls and Bucky's body responds with another wave of slick. His cock dribbles precum onto his stomach and he moans. His head turns from side to side wildly. The strong scent of Steve's arousal permeates the air and sinks into his skin, claiming him just enough. Steve sucks on his asshole and licks into him, deeper and deeper. He swivels his tongue in a figure 8 and Bucky sobs. His body opens up to Steve, ready for him. He wants Steve to knot him so intensely it hurts. He needs to feel his alpha filling him with his knot and giving him pups.

“Stevie please, I need more!” Steve pulls his tongue out and licks over his hole. His body is pliant and eager; he's ready to take in his alpha. Why won't Steve do it? He knows that Steve has his reasons but he wants him desperately. 

“I know baby. You need somethin’ inside you, don't ya?” Bucky whines, nods. “Don't worry, omega. I've got you.” Steve slips two fingers into him and he sobs. Slick flows past the intrusion and his hole spasms, opening more. Steve coos and works in another finger so that all five are inside of him. He turns him round and round, thrusts them in and out. “That's a good boy.” Steve croons. “So pretty for your alpha.”

“I, I, m'so close. Please don't stop!”

“Oh sugar, I'll never stop. Cum for me baby.” Bucky gasps and his hips stutter, his release spurting warm on his stomach. Steve pulls his fingers out and licks his cum off of him slowly. That simple touch makes it difficult to breath, he's that overwhelmed. 

“Alpha, knot me..” He slurs and Steve's beautiful face contorts from sadness. 

“I love you Buck.” Bucky nods and closes his eyes so not to see the sadness that he can't fix.

“I love you too Stevie.”

-

“Hey Barnes,” Ricky calls from the doorway of the diner, “your alpha finally bite the big one yet?” The smugness in his voice makes Bucky whip around.

“What?” Bucky hisses.

“That runt of the litter alpha you're saddled with. He finally gone?” Pure rage fills him and his lip curls over his teeth. A girl– Lory– appears by his side and tugs on his sleeve, looking wary.

“God Rick, you said you wouldn't go pickin’ fights anymore.” Lory complains but lacks punch. He can smell her fear. Ricky waves her off.

“I ain't pickin’ anything. I just think it's unfair that a perfectly good omega has a crap alpha.” Ricky smirks at Bucky. “I could take care of ya, Barnes.”

“As if I'd leave my alpha for a puke like you.” Bucky snarls and Ricky just laughs. 

“Scrappy– I like that. Bet you're a fireball in bed.” Ricky winks. “I'm surprised a weakling like Steve can even knot you.” Bucky flushes and forces himself not to look away. “No way! He's really something.”

“That's none of your business.”

“He probably can't even give you pups.” The anger and secret fear of it boils over and he stalks forward.

“Shut the fuck up.” Bucky growls. “Don't you talk about him you pathetic piece of shit!” Lory takes a step back. 

“Even if he can, they'll be too weak to survive. They'll die early– like their pa.” Bucky dives on Ricky and knocks him to the ground. He punches him until he hears the bone of his nose snap and starts to choke him, his rage overtaking him.

“Don't you ever talk about him like that! You're not half the man he is!” Two men materialize out of nowhere and start to drag Bucky off of him. He fights against them and kicks at Ricky. “You can burn in hell you good for nothing scumbag!” 

It takes ten minutes for them to be separated and another ten for Lory and a few other patrons to convince Bucky to go home. Ricky isn't going to tell the police that an omega got the best of him so Bucky isn't in any danger with the law, but that doesn't matter to him. He'd do it all again just to wipe those words away. As soon as he gets back to their apartment Steve is on him.

“What the hell, Bucky?” Steve asks and washes the blood from Bucky's knuckles. It stings, but not nearly as much the disappointment in his tone. “You never fight.”

“S’no big deal.” He mumbles and looks down at his split knuckles.

“What set you off?” He can still hear Ricky’s words fresh in his mind. They were his worst fears brought to life and now they're playing inside of him on repeat. “I need to know.”

“It was nothing.”

“I know when you're lying.”

“Please, Steve. Please just– it was nothing.” His voice breaks and he shakes his head. “It doesn't matter.” Steve sighs and kisses Bucky's cheek.

“Okay baby, we don't have to talk about it.” Bucky mews and leans into Steve's body. He doesn't want to think about the future because there are too many open ends. He loves Steve too much to think about all of the bad things that could happen to them. Even if it's just the two of them forever, that's the family they'll have.

“I love you Stevie. I love you so damn much.” Bucky whimpers. “You're my alpha. You're not leavin’ me, right? You'll stay with me?” Steve takes Bucky's chin between two of his fingers and looks at him. There are tears in Steve's eyes that voice his fears as well, fears that they've both chosen to ignore. 

“I'm stayin’ baby. I won't leave you, Buck.”

“Not without a fight.” Bucky whispers. Steve sighs and nods.

“Not without a fight.”


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: description of Bucky's time as a war prisoner

War comes from far away, and it doesn't spare them. Steve is eager to fight the faceless bad guys and enlists before he can even be drafted. Bucky isn't as eager, he isn't eager at all. He knows that with all of Steve's health problems he'll never be drafted and that because he himself is healthy and able he'll have to go. Leaving Steve behind terrifies him because he won't know how he is and won't see him for god knows how long. He can't handle the idea of it, especially with the reality looming over him.

“When I get over there, those bastards won't know what hit 'em.” Steve says and pulls his thin scarf tighter around his neck. Bucky chews on his lip, his hands trembling in the pockets of his jacket. “The war’ll be over in days.” 

“M’thinkin cabbage stew for supper. I have some extra cash so we can grab the ingredients if they're cheap enough.” Bucky says as calmly as possible. He refuses to encourage war talk.

“Sure, but we should save up for some meat. We need to be fit to serve.”

“Been talkin’ to Davie at the grocers. He needs someone to help bring in the heavy crates and he'll pay pretty good so I'm gonna do it.” 

“No.” Steve says in a tone of complete finality. Bucky stumbles on an uneven piece of the sidewalk.

“What?”

“I said no.” Steve runs his hand over his hair. “You're not working another job.”

“We need the money.”

“No we don't.” With the cold weather coming Steve is bound to get sick more; Bucky wants to save up some money to make sure that they can afford medicine. He can't tell Steve that's what he's doing because it'll only make the alpha feel guilty. “We’re fine.”

“There's some stuff we've gotta get and extra money's nothing to scoff at. I'll be fine.” 

“No, Bucky.” Steve uses his alpha voice that time and makes Bucky wince. Steve never uses it because he doesn't want to take Bucky's will away from him. They both know an omega can't resist an alpha's command. “You're not working another job and that's final.” 

“That's not fair, Steve. I'm allowed to work if I want to.” Steve stops walking and shakes his head. 

“Bucky, you're working two jobs and doing small work on the side. You can't keep going like this or you'll get sick and I can't have that.”

“I'm fine.” Bucky says and pulls them into an alley. He presses himself against Steve and bends just low enough to nose along his neck. The worry coming off of Steve makes his stomach hurt. “Alpha, it'll be good. S’okay.” Steve sighs and pets his hair.

“I can't lose you, Buck. I love you too much to watch you wither away.” Bucky swallows thickly and his fight leaves him. He can't continue pushing when Steve is worrying like this. “Please baby.”

“Okay alpha. I won't do it.” Steve kisses his forehead.

“Thank you Bucky.”

-

Steve is denied by the drafting officer countless times. He's given fake names at different stations and still come up short. It makes his mood terrible and Bucky tries to make the best of things. With people being drafted left and right there's a lot of work to be done so he's being paid more, which gives them a steadier place. Things aren't easy or fun but he's trying his hardest.

Steve goes into rut later than expected because of his mood. When he does he gets even grumpier and snaps at the slightest inconvenience. It keeps Bucky on edge because he doesn't want Steve to get angry with him; he hates that more than anything. 

“Alpha,” Bucky murmurs and squeezes Steve's knot, “feel good?” Steve shudders, nods.

“Yeah baby. You're doin’ so good for me.” Steve needs to knot Bucky and cum in him to relieve some of the stress of his rut but he won't. It makes things hard on his already fragile body and Bucky does everything he can to get him through the worst of it. “Omega, ah god, Bucky..” Bucky massages Steve's swollen sac with one spit slick hand and strokes his cock with the other. He knows that too much stimulation on Steve's knot can cause pain so he alternates between playing with his balls and squeezing his knot. 

“You gonna cum, alpha?” He asks softly and Steve groans. “Lemme have it Stevie.”

“All yours, Buck. Mm baby– make me cum again.” Bucky speeds up the pace of his hand and rolls his balls firmly. Steve chokes and rocks his hips back and forth. “My good little omega. Baby, don't stop– god Bucky, keep goin’!” Steve's scent covers him and he wants Steve to knot him, wants him to overwhelm him in every sense of the word. He should be able to open up for Steve and help him during his rut, but he can't. 

“Alpha.” He murmurs and Steve moans, long and loud. He cums onto Bucky's stomach and starts to rub it into his skin. Bucky moans and his cock starts to throb. “Stevie..”

“Yeah sugar?” Bucky turns so that he's facing away from Steve and spreads his legs. Steve growls and slides his half hard cock between his thighs. Bucky closes his legs and works himself back and forth along Steve’s cock, bringing him to full hardness quickly. Normally Steve doesn't get hard again for a very long time after he cums but rut gives him an increased recovery time. Bucky secretly loves it because Steve marks him with it every time– he loves smelling like his alpha. 

“Oh alpha, you're perfect.” Steve kisses the nape of his neck. “Cum, alpha. Stevie baby, cum.” Steve nips at his neck when he cums, sending Bucky over the edge with him. The warmth of Steve's release on his inner thighs makes him purr and he carefully opens his legs, takes Steve out from between them, and turns to face him. Steve smiles and kisses Bucky softly, a sweet noise leaving him. 

“You're so beautiful Bucky. I'm so lucky to have you with me.” Bucky mewls and nuzzles Steve's neck. When he's relaxed he smells like nothing else; a scent that Bucky could recognize anywhere. “I love you.”

“I love you too Steve.” That's why he's terrified of being separated from him and one of the many reasons why he wants the war to stop before it reaches them. 

-

Steve's art has taken a big hit because of his depression. He doesn't draw anymore and when he does he critiques it until he hates it so much that he throws it away. Steve puts his pencils and sketchbook away somewhere that not even Bucky knows where and doesn't touch them for a while. It breaks Bucky's heart to see Steve quit doing what he loves. 

Bucky loses his job at the docks and replaces it with one at an auto shop. He also does odd jobs and starts to put away money for when he inevitably gets shipped out. Steve doesn't know about the money and Bucky feels guilty about keeping things from him but he can't risk Steve stopping him. He can't leave Steve there without money, it's not right. 

It happens all at once; most of the omegas around him go into heat and wind up pregnant. They glow in a way that only pregnant omegas can, sparkling with the new lives inside of them. He ignores it at first but the more omegas he sees the more it tears at him. He wants to have Steve's pups and he wants them as soon as possible, but that can't happen because Steve won't knot him. He can't have that glow or be looked at like he's doing something great because without his alpha’s knot, there's no chance. 

The men at the auto shop are all very nice and completely welcoming to Bucky. They don't care that Bucky's an omega at all, they treat him as they do each other. But they all have wives and girlfriends who are pregnant and they talk about them nonstop. He puts on a brave face and engages in conversation despite how much it hurts. “Jan's about ready to go.” Davis says with a proud grin. Bucky offers a weak smile in return. “Any day now.”

“That's great, pal. I'm real happy for you.” He is, truly, because Davis is a great guy. He's just sad that he can't relate more.

“She's running around the house like a shot out of a gun tryin’ to get stuff ready. I keep tellin’ her to take it easy or she'll induce labour but she won't listen.” Davis chuckles. “She's amazing.”

“I'll bet.” 

“I think our girl’ll be a healthy one.” Davis says softly and Bucky looks up from the tire he's fitting. 

“A girl?”

“We don't know for sure but Jan thinks so. A mother just knows I guess.” Bucky tries his hardest not to be jealous. He hates that he can't be fully happy for Davis because of his own issues. “How 'bout you Bucky? Got any plans for a family?” 

“I'm workin’ hard right now so if I did get pregnant it'd be too much stress on the baby.” His chest fills with longing. “I don't know if we're ready to have a family yet.” Davis stares at him with sympathy and it hurts even more. He doesn't want to be pitied because of what he can't control. 

“When you decide to have kids, you know we've got your back. You and your alpha got a family here.” Bucky forces back his tears.

“Thanks Davis.”

“It's nothin’. You can come see her sometime, if you want.” 

“I'll remember that.”

Bucky refuses to give into his urges and waste money at the bar. He goes straight home and climbs into bed with Steve. He can't hold in his sobbing anymore. His sobs shake his entire body and wake Steve, his alpha instantly fawning over him. Bucky folds in on himself and cries into his hands. 

“Please talk to me, sugar. Tell me what's wrong.” Steve begs and strokes his hair. “Come on Buck. Tell me baby.” 

“All the omegas are gettin’ pregnant.” Bucky whimpers. “M’the only one who's not.” 

“Oh sugar.” Steve sighs. “S’for the best right now. Having pups wouldn't be good for us.” Bucky wants to agree but can't. Times are tough, he knows that, but they'd be good parents. He wants to show Steve just how good they'd be. “I promise it'll all work out.”

“I,” Bucky stumbles over the right words to say, “I trust you.”

-

A month later, Bucky is called up for service. He's drafted into the 107th and given the date that he ships out for basic training– the day he loses Steve. Steve tries to be positive but his anger, envy, and worry shine through. He insists that he doesn't blame Bucky for anything because he's done nothing wrong but Bucky isn't convinced. He spends every second he has left with Steve trying to get him to understand and to claim him before he goes because though he won't say it aloud, there's a possibility that he won't come back. 

Steve doesn't claim him, not with a bond mark or a knotting. The night he leaves Steve makes him a promise that he won't do anything dangerous though they both know he won't keep it. 

-

The 107th is full of alphas and betas, Bucky is the only omega. All of the other omegas are nurses or higher in the ranks and they're women or one of the other two male omegas on base. Surprisingly everyone is welcoming to him– probably because he's an excellent sniper, but it's still nice to be treated kindly. 

Bucky goes on countless missions and is an asset to his squadron. The images from the trenches haunt him night after night, his mind clouded with all of the horrors that he's seen and even committed. Regardless of that Bucky pushes forward because he has to survive. He has to make it back to Steve. He fights with everything he has because Steve is waiting for him on the other side, his alpha wants him back. 

Doubts breed in his mind after every mission. What if Steve doesn't want him back? Why would he want a bloodstained omega? Bucky's damaged now in ways that Steve will never understand. He won't make a good mother like this, with his murderous hands and darkened soul. Those doubts never fully leave but he shoves them down into the darkest depths of himself where they only sting, not bleed.

Then he gets captured. 

Bucky's kept in an enemy camp for an endless amount of time. He spends most of his time in a cell and when he's not there he's in a darkened lab strapped to a table. Scientists inject him with things that scorch his veins and send him into fits of hysteria. Whispers of German words and jumbled English haunt him while he attempts to sleep. Nightmares plague him day and night as do the screams of the other prisoners.

Steve, he thinks over and over, who'll tell him that I'm gone? 

He suffers through a heat while imprisoned and uses all of his strength to fight off anyone who comes to knot him. The heat lasts longer than any others have because the scientists poke and prod at him; they take samples of his blood and even his slick. He can't tell if the results of whatever tests they're conducting are good or not, either way he slowly gives into the fact that he's going to die. His only hope is that Steve can survive without him.

-

Bucky drifts in and out of consciousness for what feels like months. He's barely able to form coherent thoughts, his body fights on autopilot when the time comes. It doesn't feel like he's alive. That's why when an uproar echoes through the facility he doesn't react at all. He lies on the table and waits for whatever's coming to him.

“Bucky!” It's Steve's voice, clearer than anything he's heard in much too long. Strong hands unstrap him and attempt to get him into a sitting position. Bucky blinks away the fog from his vision and stares up, sees Steve's face.

“Steve,” he gasps, “Steve!” 

“I thought you were dead.” Steve still sounds distraught and terrified. Bucky wants to smile and tell him it's okay, but he can't even do that. He doesn't know if this is real or not. A storm of things he desperately wants to say unravels inside of him;

I love you.

I didn't think I'd ever see you again.

I didn't get to say goodbye.

I love you, I love you, alpha! 

None of that manages to come out. His voice is strained and wet when he finally speaks, “I thought you were smaller.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this got away from me and now it'll have 6 chapters total


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war takes its toll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mentions of possible rape

Thanks to a serum made by doctor Erskine, Steve's ailments have been cured and he's massive. He has muscles to spare and is more popular than he's been in his entire life. Everyone gapes at him wherever he goes and flirts with him constantly. The chorus girls that travel from base to base gaze longingly at him and make excuses to touch him. One even asks Steve if he can lift her on his shoulder– he can. 

Bucky feels worse than he ever has. He's happy that Steve is healthy but he's horribly depressed because Steve isn't solely his anymore. He belongs to the people that adore him; they finally see what Bucky's seen since they were kids and are trying to take Steve away. The worst part is that Steve is letting it happen. He doesn't seem to notice how much Bucky's suffering, how lonely he feels. He's busy doing other things and doesn't treat Bucky like he used to. He doesn't look at Bucky the same way. Bucky fears it's because of the blood that stains him.

No one knows what was put inside of him and he only gives them the necessary information. He refuses to elaborate because he's ashamed and scared of remembering all of it. He's in pain all the time and some days he can barely move. He's on bedrest and Steve insists that he sleep in his private quarters and he does, but Steve is rarely there. Bucky doesn't know where he goes or what he does but it hurts him all the same.

Bucky burns with an intense fever, his body attempts to sweat out whatever virus is inside of him. He's soaked with sweat and almost completely out of it. Shadows dance at the edges of his vision and he's petrified of the emptiness around him. What if the scientists come back for him? He won't be able to stop them from hurting him again.

“James?” Peggy Carter pokes her head into the room and her eyebrows furrow at his quivering form. “May I come in?”

“Yes’m.” He mumbles and she walks in, locks the door behind her. She pulls up a chair from Steve's small drafting table and sits down beside the bed.

“You're not doing well.” She says and her voice is kind, worried. “May I touch you?”

“Yeah.” She reaches over and presses her cool hand to his forehead. “Mm.” He sighs. It's been so long since he's felt a truly caring touch. 

“Have you been stay hydrated? With the rate you're losing fluids you could dehydrate very quickly.”

“I, it hurts. I throw up.”

“I know lovey, but you need to. It's very important.” He likes the way she calls him lovey. It settles over him like a soft blanket. “You also need to eat.” Bucky whimpers at the idea of forcing food into his system. “Even just biscuits. You need food.”

“Will, will it get better? Am I broken?” Peggy looks incredibly sad.

“No you're not broken. You're recovering from a traumatic event and you will get better. You can do it lovey. I'll help you and so will Steve.” Bucky makes a pathetic noise. Steve… “What is it?”

“D’you know where Steve is? Haven't, haven't seen him all day.”

“I believe he's strategizing right now. Possibly helping send the chorus girls on their way.” Bucky's vision swims. “Oh James, it's alright. He's not far.”

“He won't– he isn't– I don't think he wants me anymore.” He admits.

“Why is that?”

“He doesn't spend time with me, look at me much, or touch me. He, he isn't too keen on me.” 

“I don't think that's the case. Up until we came here he spoke of you nonstop.”

“And now?” Peggy sighs and confirms his fears. “He's gonna find a good omega, ain't he? A pretty girl to give him pups. She'll have his mark and he'll want to knot her. He'll actually want her.” Unwelcome tears slide down his cheeks. “She'll be sweet and good; not rough and dark like me.” Peggy wipes away his tears and makes a cajoling noise.

“Lovey, no. He loves you so much and would never choose another.” 

“I, I dunno if that's true. M’not sure he even wants me.” Bucky sobs. “There's pretty gals and they're right. They're s’pposed to be omegas, m’not. He can knot them, not me.” Bucky's stomach turns. “I gotta, can we go outside?” He asks and looks up at her, silently begging.

“Of course. We can go for a little walk.” Peggy helps him out of bed and holds his arm to steady him as they leave the room. She brings him out of the bunker and to the tents. The air is stuffy and thick but it's better than being alone in Steve's room. “Feeling a little better?”

“Yeah, thanks Peggy.” Her alpha scent is more than calming and he feels safe. “I didn't mean to explode like that.” 

“You needed to get that out.” Peggy rubs his arm and he sighs. “Don't worry yourself lovey, everything will turn out just fine.” 

“Bucky!” Steve's voice reaches them before he does. When he comes into view Bucky starts to tremble. 

“It's alright James. You're okay.” Peggy says sweetly. Steve's eyebrows furrow when he sees the state Bucky's in. 

“I was looking all over for you.” Steve is staring at him so intensely it burns. “You okay?”

“He just needed some air.” Peggy says and Steve notices her hand around Bucky's bicep. His eyes narrow briefly and Peggy starts to loosen her grip. Bucky whines and she croons at him. “Your alpha wants some time with you, lovey. I'll be around.” The name makes Steve freeze a little. “Steven, come here and hold him up; he's feeling rather unsteady today.” 

“Sure.” Steve comes over and replaces Peggy at his side. Bucky openly purrs and leans into him. He's starved for Steve's everything. 

“I'll see you boys later.” Peggy says and walks away. Steve turns him and takes both of his biceps. He looks into Steve's eyes and whines.

“What's wrong, Buck? Why'd you leave with Peggy?”

“It doesn't matter.” 

“No– I'm not letting you do that again. Tell me Bucky.” Steve's alpha voice makes him burst into tears. “Omega.” Steve gasps. He picks Bucky up like he's nothing and Bucky melts against his chest. He hides his face against Steve's neck and takes shaky breaths. “I'm not mad, baby. I promise I'm not.” Steve carries him back to the bunker and brings him to his quarters. He locks the door and sits on the bed with Bucky still attached to him. “It's okay sugar.”

“No Steve, it's not. It's not!”

“What is it?” 

“Do you, do you want them?” Bucky asks. “The good omegas?” Steve starts rubbing his back and rocking him like a child.

“No, no baby. You're the only omega that I'll ever want. You're what I need, Bucky.” Steve kisses the top of his head and he hiccups through another sob. “You're a good omega, you're more than good. You're amazing, you're perfect!” Bucky can't make himself believe him.

“You're, you're always with them. You never, you don't touch me or look at me!” He wants to separate himself from Steve but he also wants to stay right there, possibly get even closer. “This is the most you've touched me since you found me! I, I know I'm dirty now and I've done terrible things, but I–” love you most, “you promised you'd keep me.” Steve holds him tightly and trembles horribly. 

“God Buck, I was– I am– scared! I didn't think you wanted me! You never wanted me to change and now… now I'm completely different. I'm not the guy you fell for.” Bucky shakes his head.

“No, no, I don't care what you look like. Big or small, blond or brunet, it don't matter! I want you however you come!” Bucky cries. “But you want better, you should have better. You always could do better and I was lucky you chose me, but now you see it. And you're leavin’ me.” 

“I only stayed away 'cuz I thought you wouldn't want me. Then I found out what you'd gone through and I didn't think you'd want anyone to touch you.” Bucky pushes off of Steve and lands on the floor, his eyes wide and panicked. “Are you okay?”

“Do you– you think I got knotted?” Bucky asks and Steve opens his mouth only to shut it again. Bucky puts his head between his knees and takes shaky breath. “Oh god, you think I fucked someone else!”

“No! You won't let anyone examine you so maybe, god Bucky, maybe you were forced into something.” Steve chokes a little. “We all think you could've been raped.” Bucky's head shoots up.

“Who the hell is 'we’?” He demands. Steve flinches. “Tell me!”

“The docs and some of the guys.” 

“You've been talking about me?”

“I'm your alpha, I'm tryin’ to keep you safe.” 

“You think someone got here first,” Bucky hisses, “so you're throwing me away.” Steve looks horrified.

“No! You're completely wrong! Even if you were raped it wasn't your fault and I wouldn't abandon you!” 

“I wasn't raped!” Bucky screams. He's certain that the others in the bunker can hear him and he doesn't care. So what if he adds some more shame to what he already has? It's not like they don't all know already. “I had my heat there but I fought them. I fought them Steve, because I'm yours. Even if you won't knot me, I'm yours! I would never let them have me!” Steve is crying, albeit silently. 

“I believe you.” Steve whispers. “I believe you, Bucky.” 

“You never asked me what happened, you just talked to everyone else. I get that you were scared but you– you left me all by myself!” 

“Buck,”

“You told me to stay here and I did because I don't feel safe with anyone else. I'm scared that they're gonna come back for me when I'm alone, so I want to be where you can keep me safe. But, but you're not there. You're never there! I'm always alone!” 

“I'm so sorry, baby I'm sorry.” Steve is still whispering. Bucky's never heard him be this quiet in all the time they've known each other. “I just, I didn't know what to do.” 

“Look at me Steve.” Bucky says and Steve does, but his gaze is full of pain and pity. “Do you see your omega or a war prisoner that needs help?” 

“I see you, Buck.” 

“That's not an answer.” 

“You’ve been through so much that I'll never understand but I'm trying to. Tell me Bucky, please.” 

“You’re gonna report back to everyone.” Bucky murmurs. His fight has drained out of him quickly. “S’no point.”

-

Bucky's fever breaks for a few hours each day, and he spends those hours practicing his combat skills. He forces himself to improve his sniping and works on his blade skills, he starts keeping one holstered to his thigh and tucked in one of his boots. He refuses to be completely unarmed anymore. 

“You're gonna kill yourself, Barnes.” Dugan, one of his squadron members says and squats down on the ground beside him. Bucky's been doing push-ups for half an hour. “You've gotta stop.” 

“I'm fine.”

“I know ya don't sleep and ya don't eat enough.”

“We're on rations, Dugan. None of us are.” Dugan rolls his eyes.

“Don't be a smartass. You're not as sly as you think; everyone sees that you're pushing yourself way past your limit.” 

“Cap tell you that?” 

“He's your alpha, you don't havta call him that.” 

“If I agree to take a break will ya stop mother-henning me?” Bucky snaps and Dugan only sighs.

“You work yourself to death, we'll be the ones to bury you here.” 

-

“Bucky, can I talk to you for a minute?” Steve asks quietly. Bucky nods and follows him to his quarters. It's been a few weeks since he's been alone with Steve so his body isn't used to his overwhelming scent. It's surprising that he managed to forget so easily. 

“What is it?” Bucky hates how weak he sounds. He's been working hard to build himself up but around Steve he can't hide a thing. 

“I'm starting a team and I want you on it.” Steve murmurs. “You're the best sniper in the field and you're great in combat.”

“Okay.”

“You'll do it?” 

“Yeah.” Bucky says and stands there awkwardly. He can tell Steve wants to say something and he's hoping that it's a confession that he wants Bucky back. He needs Steve so much but he can't say it in case Steve doesn't want him too. 

“Please.” Steve croaks. “Please Bucky– I know I was stupid but I need you. You're, you're my omega. I've loved you for so long, it's always been you. I've never wanted anyone other than you. Please don't leave me.” 

“Alpha!” Bucky says and launches himself at Steve hard enough to send them flying into the wall. There's a small indent left from the impact, but Steve doesn't so much as flinch. “Alpha, Stevie, I love you, I love you..” 

“My sweet omega. I'll never let anyone hurt you, not even myself. You're mine to love and protect and that's all. Mine.”

“Yours.” Steve's arousal comes unexpectedly, the scent hitting him like an uppercut to the jaw. Bucky sags against him and mews into his neck, licking and sucking. Steve's noises are gentle and so, so sweet. 

“I love you Bucky.” 

“I love you too.” Bucky mumbles and nuzzles Steve's neck. “I love you.”

“I need you, god Buck let me, please..”

“Yes.” 

Steve takes Bucky on the small cot in the corner of the room, their clothes open just enough for Steve to get his fingers inside Bucky and for Bucky to hold Steve's cock, stroking it and squeezing his knot. He doesn't ask to be marked or knotted because that's not where it's going to happen. They're going to go home and start a family, they won't rush their first time. It's not going to be like this. 

Steve mouths Bucky's neck, tells him how much he loves him and how he'll never leave him again. Bucky knows it's true now. He cums crying Steve's name and Steve nips at his neck, almost breaking the skin, when he does.

Later, Bucky promises to follow Steve into the jaws of death and beyond.

-

The Howling Commandos are a well oiled, finely tuned machine. Lead by Steve– or Captain America– they're a group of men just daring enough to go into dangerous partially unauthorized missions. Bucky and Steve lead the charge and fight side by side, watching each other's back like second nature. 

They steal the moments after successful missions for themselves; that adrenaline induced haze is full of fumbling hands and desperate kisses. Though they pretend to be fully confident that they'll both make it out they feel the urgency of the situation and do whatever they can to feel each other for just a little bit longer. 

“When we get back,” Steve says against Bucky's shoulder, “we’ll get a better place and have pups. It'll be perfect, Buck.” Bucky nods, his hips churning into the motions of Steve's hand. They're camped out for the night and pressed close in the small tent. Steve is warm against the bitter cold, Bucky's shield against the world. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Bucky murmurs, tries to keep his moans quiet. It's partly because he doesn't want to give up their position and also because this is just theirs. The fighting and the teamwork, that's shared. But this alone time is purely their own. “Alpha, lemme, can I taste your knot?” He asks weakly and Steve groans. “Please?”

“Yeah sugar, s’yours.” Bucky shimmies down their bedroll and pushes Steve's pants and boxers lower. He licks the purpling head of Steve's cock and kisses down the length of it. Steve pets his hair and urges him on. Bucky kisses his knot and he chokes, Bucky starts to suckle at his knot and moans at the taste. He licks everywhere that he can reach then pushes Steve's cock up so he can lick the underside. “Ah lord, Buck. Come on up here baby, sugar come on.” Bucky pulls away with a whine that's quickly pushed away when Steve pulls him up and pushes his hand between Bucky's thighs. He's wet with slick and leaking steadily. 

“Alpha,” 

“I know.” Steve parts his thighs and slips his cock in between them. He rocks his hips back and forth slowly, his knot slipping and catching. “Baby, my beautiful boy. You're so good omega. You're amazing.” Steve pushes two of his fingers into Bucky's soaking hole and massages places that make him arch and keen. “So sweet. You're, you're my sugar. My sweetheart.”

Bucky pants and latches onto Steve's neck, suckling fast. Steve moans and nods. “That's it, good boy, keep goin’ baby.” Bucky clamps his thighs tight and gives Steve less room to thrust so that he remains close. “Sugar, you're so gorgeous.” 

“Please cum.” Bucky begs and licks his throat. “Need it, please baby,” 

“Suck.” Bucky suckles on his throat and moans when Steve cums between his thighs. Steve pulses through the aftershocks and makes Bucky cum only seconds later. “Only you, omega.”

“Only you, alpha.”

-

Every mission they go on is incredibly dangerous, but something about this is one is more terrifying than the others. Zip lining down to a moving train feels off to Bucky and he knows there's no other way to go about this so he doesn't say anything. Before they go down Steve kisses Bucky and they nose at each other's scent glands for a quick second. 

It's an ambush from the start. Everything about the mission feels rushed and unplanned. He and Steve are faced with a war machine, a monstrous thing with one intention– to stop them from advancing. While Steve fights the machine Bucky deals with an armed soldier. Bucky runs out of bullets and Steve manages to lose the machine to get his gun to him. They end up side by side, Steve protects them both with his shield and Bucky shoots the soldier. The victory is short lived; the machine breaks through the barrier and enters where they are. 

The machine’s arms are canons and too powerful to battle on their own. It shoots Steve's shield and throws him into a corner of the train, knocking the shield out of his hands. “Alpha!” Bucky shrieks, blind panic overtaking him. He rushes to pick up the shield and protect Steve, but the machine is too fast. One well placed shot sends Bucky out of the train. He manages to grab onto a rail on the side and struggles to hold on. 

He feels weak and helpless again, all of his training worthless. They're going to win; Bucky and Steve will be separated. It wasn't supposed to be like this– they promised! 

“Bucky!” Steve appears beside him in the gaping hole in the train. He's too far to touch. “Grab my hand!” Steve reaches out and Bucky sobs, grabbing desperately. “Come on Buck, please!” Steve wails. The wind howls around them and knocks Bucky's hand back, makes his body sway. The metal rail starts to give and they hear the awful sound of it wrenching away from the train at the same time. “Oh god– sugar, you've gotta push! Hurry Bucky!” 

“Steve, Steve I'm sorry!” He wasted so much time being stubborn and afraid. Now it's all caught up to him.

“No!” Steve lurches forward and gets their hands the slightest bit closer. “You will not leave me! I didn't say you could!” Steve's voice is full on alpha and so powerful it echoes through his body. “Now Bucky!” Bucky uses all of his strength to reach and their fingers brush.

The rail breaks away and Bucky falls. Steve's anguished cry chases him down, cradling him in place of his alpha's arms.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Asset is born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Bucky is referred to as 'It' for most of the chapter because he's an asset, therefore not really considered a person

There was nothing before this– at least It doesn't think there was, not that It really thinks, is allowed to think. 

It’s looking at the target Nicholas Joseph Fury through the scope of It’s rifle, waiting for the moment to strike. He's cleverly avoided the Asset once already but he won't escape now. Fury has gotten himself cornered in an unprotected apartment building; it gives It a good vantage point and a direct shot through the window. It doesn't see why Fury made such a strategically poor choice– he wants to remain alive, that much has been proven already, but now he's trapped himself? It doesn't make sense. It's almost like he's given up, which doesn't make sense either. He had such fight in him only hours ago.

A blond man appears, a shield in hand. It doesn't recognize him at all so It disregards him. Nicholas Fury looks peaceful but the Asset can tell that he isn't. There's no way a man in his situation can be peaceful. The injuries he's sustained would be enough to put him on edge, but Fury knows he's being tailed most definitely which is frightening in itself. If the Asset were any other creature It would get bored with the waiting, but It doesn't have the capacity for boredom.

The Asset gets a clean shot and takes it, shooting out the window and filling Fury with bullets. Once the target is dead It stands up and turns on It’s heel, sprinting away. 

It has a pursuer. 

There's no doubt that it's the man with the shield, but that is of little importance. It's dodged more dangerous enemies before. The Asset runs across the roofs of buildings and is almost in the clear when the man’s shield slices through the air, hurtling towards It. It turns and catches the shield with It’s cybernetic arm, throws it back hard enough to wrench the arm a bit and send the man skidding back. 

It disappears into the night.

-

There was nothing before this, at least It doesn't think so. The mission is to get rid of the informant, a threat to the new order. It watches from the inside of the armoured car as the vehicle with the target in it speeds down the highway. 

“You ready, Asset?” The Handler asks and touches It with the butt of his gun. It climbs out of the back window of the car and onto the hood, trained to spring. The car acts as a battering ram and the driver slams it into the back of the target’s car, forces them forward. The Asset dives onto the back of the car and breaks through the back passenger side, yanks the target free. It throws him across the highway and starts shooting through the roof to eliminate everyone inside. The man driving yanks on the brakes, sending the Asset skidding across the highway. It reaches out and digs It's cybernetic fingers into the concrete, dragging itself to a halt. It stands up and waits, the handler’s car smashing into the back of the silver car and pushing it forward. The Asset dives onto the hood and yanks the steering wheel out, jumps back onto the handler's car. 

The silver car smashes into the guardrail and the three passengers skid out on a shield. “It's Rogers!” The blond, Rogers, takes a defensive stance and holds his shield up; the woman and black man run. The Asset is given an assault weapon with a rocket launcher on it and aims, fires at the shield. Rogers goes flying and the Asset takes aim at the woman. She runs and flips over the rail, making the Asset work to find her. It looks over the rail, weapon trained on the street below, and scans the surrounding area for her. 

A bullet hits It's goggles and It ducks, takes them off, and fires down. It will be punished for letting her get one over on It because It isn't supposed to leave any room for a head shot. If the Asset is damaged by a blow to It’s head, maintenance will be difficult or impossible depending on the severity. It leaps off of the highway and lands on a car underneath while the strike team sprays bullets into the bus that Rogers landed in. The Asset follows the woman with his weapon trained on her but loses her. It'll be punished for that mistake.

The next few minutes are a blur of red hair, electricity, and bullets. It manages to get rid of the woman, but Rogers soon becomes a threat. He appears and starts to fight It with abandon, like a man with no fear of death. Even those who knew that death was inevitable had more preservation instincts than this man does. 

They get in close quarters and Rogers starts to give it his all. It makes more mistakes than is acceptable and can already feel one of the machines digging into It’s skin. There is no pattern to this fight which makes Rogers' next moves hard to predict. Rogers manages to deflect every knife swipe and avoid impact with It’s cybernetic arm. It becomes frustrated with Rogers’ persistence and goes in for the kill, which turns into yet another mistake. Rogers get his hands on it and flips It to the ground, causing the muzzle to fall off. The sound of the metal against the concrete bounces inside of It’s mind. 

It turns around, ready to fight again, and finds Rogers staring at It in disbelief. “Bucky?” The recognition, shock, and heartbreak in his voice sends ripples of a faraway feeling through It’s body. Something isn't right. 

It can smell something; burnt brown sugar and smoke. The scent is familiar but strange. There's a tang of distress running through it that makes the Asset want to curl up and, and– It doesn't know. There's no instinct inside of It that guides It. It's missing something, something very important.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” It’s voice is strained from disuse. The look in Rogers’ eyes is devastation in its purest form. It lifts It’s gun and tries to take a shot but Its hand is trembling horribly. There's a hesitation that has never been there before. It can kill in seconds and yet right now It can't pull the trigger.

The blast from the rocket launcher creates enough smoke and fire for It to disappear into thin air.

-

A train, a bitter cold wind biting flesh, blood in white snow, the sound of a bone saw, metal against skin, ice. There are snippets of a life It doesn't remember floating through Its mind, the force of them snapping Its head back and forth. There's a hurt inside of Its chest that feels like nothing It's ever experienced. It snaps and sends a technician flying across the room. The agents stationed by the door aim their guns at It.

“Mission report.” 

Nothingness. The cold of a frost It can't remember ever experiencing.

“Mission report, now.” It has no voice so It can't answer. What is there to say, when nothing seems real? Pierces smacks It hard across the face and jump-starts It once more.

“The man on the bridge.” It rasps. “Who was he?” Pierce hesitates.

“You met him earlier this week on another assignment.” Wrong– this isn't the truth.

“I knew him.” That's for certain. That man was definitely someone to It. 

Him.

It, the asset, is a he. It– he– is starting to remember things about himself. He is a person and not a weapon. Why is he here? Who is he?

“Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped this century, and I need you to do it one more time. Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos. Tomorrow morning we're gonna give it a push. But if you don't do your part, I can't do mine, and HYDRA can't give the world the freedom it deserves.” 

No. He can't breathe under the weight of the things he doesn't know and might never know. 

“But I knew him.” Pierce stands up and turns to one of the scientists. He knows that he's made another mistake. 

“Prep him.”

“He's been out of cryo-freeze too long.”

“Then wipe him and start over.” Pierce leaves and he's forced back into the chair. A scientist puts a bite guard into his mouth and he chomps down on it. The chair locks around his arms and the head piece snaps on, electric currents flooding into him.

The memories of who he used to be disappear with his screams.

-

The Captain stands opposite It on the catwalk, staring at It with something like desperation in his eyes. “People are gonna die, Buck. I can't let that happen.” It stares at him, no recognition and no regard for the situation. “Please don't make me do this.” It stands there waiting for what's to come. 

The Captain throws his shield at it and It manages to avoid being hit. The Captain scrambles to get to the control panel but It is ruthless. It attacks, sensing The Captain’s every move. He's being sloppy and leaving room for the Asset to strike. Something tells It that he doesn't usually fight this way. They grapple and It stabs him in the shoulder and knocks the chip from his hands. It grabs the chip and The Captain dives, attacking him in an attempt to get it back. It stabs him but he manages to get the upper hand and get a hold on him.

“Drop it! Drop it!” The Captain yells but it refuses. They struggle for what feels like decades and The Captain breaks It’s arm. It howls but doesn't drop the chip. The Captain gets his arm around It’s neck and holds until It passes out, dropping the chip. 

It isn't down for long. It gets up and shoots him multiple times but it's no use; he gets the chip in and the carrier shakes after it gets hit. It gets trapped under a fallen metal fixture and fights to free itself. The metal is too heavy for It to lift and panic sets in. Then, against all odds, The Captain helps It lift the structure off of It. They get to their feet and It dives, punches him hard enough to make him stagger.

“You know me.” The Captain says in a voice that leaks exhaustion and remnants of hope. 

“No I don't!” It screams and attacks again, only knocking him back.

“Bucky, you've known me your whole life.” It hits him and much to It’s fury, The Captain doesn't fight back. “Your name is James Buchanan Barnes.” It's head starts to ache horribly and It trembles. It hits him again and he doesn't fight back. Why?

Fight back! 

Fight back! Instead of yelling that It shrieks. “Shut up!” The Captain removes his helmet and drops his shield through a hole in the carrier.   
Stop it, It thinks, you're being an idiot. Stop it– fight back! 

“I'm not gonna fight you. You're my– my friend.” It tackles him to the ground. 

“You're my mission.” It growls and starts to beat him. Flashes of things that he can't make sense of pass through his vision and It fights them away with every punch he drives into The Captain's face. 

Wake up, a voice within It sobs, don't do this! Not to him– stop it! 

It fractures like broken glass, cracks running through until he is left. He can smell burned brown sugar and smoke and death. His nose burns from the strength of it all. 

“Then finish it.” The Captain says in a ragged voice. He holds his fist up and suddenly can't bring it down. “'Cause I'm with you til the end of the line.” 

No. 

Steve! 

The blood on his hands can't be Steve's. He can't have caused this. Before he can do anything, the bottom of the carrier drops out and Steve falls. He– Bucky, Bucky– hangs onto a piece of the carrier and is frozen in place, watching. 

He's falling through the snow, Steve is headed towards the water.

“Alpha!” Bucky screams and jumps after him. Steve is already under by the time he reaches the surface but he bobs under and grabs him by his uniform. He gets them above water and drags Steve to the shore, lies him flat on his back.

“Alpha.” He gasps, tears and water choking him. “Alpha, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” Steve lies there, unresponsive. Bucky knows that he can't possibly stay there if he wants to survive, even though the pull of the bond between them makes him want to fall to his knees and shield him with his own body. The body that hurt him in the first place. 

He watches Steve's chest rise and fall for a few minutes. Once he's confident that Steve is breathing, he swallows the anguish building inside of him and hobbles away.

-

The exhibit at the Smithsonian feels wrong. There are missing pieces in it and Bucky still doesn't know exactly what they are. He looks at the clip of him and Steve laughing and smiling at each other and wishes he could remember what made them so happy. Was it just being around each other that kept them positive in an impossible situation? It hurts to think about.

Bucky stares at his own face until his vision blurs from tears. He decides to keep the image of Steve's smiling face as his first true memory.


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wakanda gets a new family.

Staring at himself in the mirror and seeing the swell of his stomach makes Bucky happier than anything. Bucky adores how much the baby is showing and how soft he feels. Something in him is changing and growing along with the baby; he's become a different person, someone better. He finally feels more comfortable in his own skin.

 

The pregnancy has made him a lot calmer. He isn't constantly on edge anymore and now he's able to relax. Steve has been taking advantage of the change and sneaks up on him whenever he can; he especially loves coming up from behind him and holding him close to his chest. Bucky loves feeling the warmth of his chest and he can almost feel the baby responding as well. They both love Steve so much. 

 

At around three months, Bucky starts to experience the full effect of pregnancy. The serum delayed it for a time but it managed to catch up to him. He starts to feel nauseous constantly and his body aches. Steve does his best to confine him to bed but it doesn't necessarily work; Bucky has to move around or he'll go insane. Steve is there whenever he feels like moving and supports him with an arm around his waist or even outright carrying him.

 

Today is a carrying sort of day. Bucky is restless and he wants to move but Steve is too worried to let him walk. It's sweet that he's so worried but Bucky is restless and stiff. 

 

“Steve,” Bucky whines, “I need to walk by myself.” Steve sighs.

 

“We've been over this Buck. Doctor Hodari thinks you should rest as much as you can and because you don't want to stay in bed, this is our only option.” Steve replies. Bucky can't help the noise of discontent that slips out. “Sugar, you have to listen to him.”

 

“I'm stiff. The baby is stiff.” Bucky tries to persuade him even though he knows that Steve isn't going to give in. “Alpha..”

 

“Don't ‘alpha’ me. You have to relax.”

 

“I'm goin’ crazy here!” For once he doesn't care how petulant he sounds. “I need to walk around. I'm not talkin’ stealth missions or going on a run- I just wanna walk.”

 

“I'm really serious about this Buck.” Steve sounds so worried; it hurts him to the core. “I can't have either of you getting hurt. I don't what I'd do..” Bucky reaches up and cups Steve’s cheek with his new hand. The synthetic skin is warm and soft, so he isn't afraid to touch Steve with it anymore. Steve nuzzles his palm.

 

“Alpha, we're not gonna get hurt. You know I'll be careful and you'll be with me the whole time. Nothing's gonna happen.” Steve bites his lip.

 

“Buck…”

 

“I promise.” He says and rests his cheek on Steve’s chest. After a few minutes of deliberation Steve nods and puts him down. Bucky shakes himself out and takes Steve’s hand. “Thank you alpha.” Bucky smiles at him and Steve smiled back.

 

“I’ll never be able to resist that smile.” 

 

“The baby’s gonna have the same one, I can feel it.” Steve groans, completely exaggerated.

 

“How will I handle two of you?” 

 

“Just for that I'm gonna teach them all of my tricks.” He teases. “You'll never know what hit ya.” Steve snarls.

 

“Bring it on.”

 

-

 

There's a cartoon about a mouse doing ballet on and for some reason, it's making Bucky weep. He's seen it a dozen times in the past two weeks and it makes him cry just as hard every time. Steve looked horrified the first time he started wailing but now he's gotten pretty good at calming him down. 

 

“I just want our baby to have one. Myshka should have a mouse that can do all that!” Bucky shouts and points at the tv. “Myshka deserves the best and I wanna give them that mouse!” Steve struggles not to laugh and strokes Bucky’s hair. 

 

“S’okay sugar. We’ll get Myshka all kinds of great stuff.”

 

“A mouse.” Bucky demands. “A mouse that knows ballet.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do.”

 

“We've gotta ask T’Challa!” Bucky says and attempts to sit up. With his sore muscles it's very difficult so Steve helps him. “He's gonna know where we can find one!” Bucky gets off of the couch and Steve jumps up after him. 

 

“Bucky, you're supposed to be resting. T’Challa insisted that you do and Doctor Hodari said the same thing. We can ask about the mouse later.” 

 

“Steve, we've gotta get this stuff ready. Myshka is gonna be here anytime now!”

 

“Sweetheart you're not even four months along yet. We have time.”

 

“We have to get them the mouse.” Bucky whimpers. “S’important.” Steve turns him around and carefully pulls Bucky into a hug. Bucky whines and puts his nose against Steve’s neck. He inhales his wonderful scent and starts to calm down a bit. Steve always manages to talk him down from every ledge he finds himself on. “We've gotta get Myshka everything.”

 

“I know sugar. We’ll get them everything we can find. I'm sure T’Challa will be more than happy to help us out.” T’Challa has been surprisingly present throughout his pregnancy. He's equip them all of the medical staff they need as well as visits them and brings a ridiculous amount of gifts. Bucky thinks he's secretly just as excited about the baby as they are. 

 

“I wanna make a nest.” Bucky murmurs, a wave of exhaustion hitting him. “Can you do it Stevie?” 

 

“Of course.” 

 

Bucky watches Steve collect blankets, pillows, sheets, and pretty much anything cozy to pile on their bed. He arranges everything according to Bucky’s directions and adjusts the canopy that T’Challa recently had installed, replaces the thin drapes with sheets that smell like them. Steve even stuffs the pillow cases with a few of his unwashed shirts so that Bucky is surrounded by his scent. When he's finished the pillows are piled just high enough, there's an extra layer of rumpled sheets, and blankets framing the area where they'll sleep. Steve looks over to him for approval and Bucky nods eagerly. They climb into bed and Steve draws the sheets, encasing them in the comfortable scent. He curls up against Steve’s chest and sighs happily. Steve licks at the scent glands on his neck until he's scenting the entire room.

 

Steve moves his hand to Bucky’s stomach and rubs gently. The shift in Bucky’s body makes him think that the baby is shifting to get closer to Steve. He loves when that happens because that's one of his traits, that need to be closer to his alpha. Bucky mews and Steve makes a rumbling noise in response. “I think Myshka is gonna be a beauty.” Steve says in the warmest tone. Bucky smiles and nods.

 

“Boy or girl, we'll have a heartbreaker.”

 

“Just like their ma.” Steve teases. He laughs and shoves his feet between Steve’s legs. He constantly craves heat; ever since he got away from Hydra he's been desperate to stay constantly warm. He's terrified of the cold and will do anything to keep away from it; Steve makes sure that it's never cold in their home. It's never truly cold in Wakanda but sometimes frost latches onto him and he can't differentiate between physical and mental cold. T’Challa has installed a central heating and air conditioning system for such occasions.

 

“It's okay Buck.” Steve says. “If you're tired, you can sleep if you want to. You know I'll be here.” Bucky hadn’t realized he'd been fighting sleep this whole time.

 

“G’night alpha.” Bucky mumbles. Steve kisses the top of his head.

 

“Love you omega.”

 

-

 

Bucky has nightmares; they're few and far between but when they do come, they're horrifying. He wakes up sobbing most of the time but there are times when he screams his throat raw and Steve has to wake him before he hurts himself. Ever since he found out he was pregnant he's been petrified that he'll have a nightmare and hurt the baby. He's told Steve that if he's going into one he has to wake him by any means necessary because he'd rather die than harm their child. Steve doesn't like to hear it but Bucky makes sure that he knows how serious he is.

 

There are nights, such as that night, when Bucky doesn't sleep. Recently he's been remembering the various experiments Hydra performed on people, even children. He can hear babies crying and people screaming for help all while he stood there, helpless. He tried talking to Steve about it but he hated the deep set worry in his eyes, so he goes it alone now.

 

It doesn't work well.

 

Bucky is woken up by knocking on the front door. He reaches to wake Steve and remembers that Steve is out helping T’Challa with something or other and won't be back for a few days. He groans and pushes himself out of bed slowly. Moving around is much harder now because of how much his body is aching. He pads out to the living room and checks the security camera. Wanda is standing on their porch inspecting her fingernails. He's more than a little surprised to see her because they've only spoken a handful of times.

 

“Bucky?” Wanda asks, her deep accent washing over him. She's a beta so she's mastered the art of taming both alphas and omegas alike- Bucky is no different. “Are you there?”

 

“Yeah, just a sec.” Bucky opens up the various locks with the screen and unbolts the ones on the door. Wanda smiles sweetly at him and steps inside when he allows her to. “Umm, hi.”

 

“Hi.” She pushes the sleeves of her sweater up. “I know this feels very random but I promise I'm here for a reason.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I know you're having trouble lately. I can feel all of the worry and I too am feeling some.” 

 

“Sorry. I really don't mean to bother anyone.” He says as he leads her over to the couch. Wanda shakes her head.

 

“You're not, believe me. In fact you're being less of a bother than a person who stubbed their toe.” He kind of adores the way she speaks. She's so young and so sure of herself. From what he's heard her confidence is a work in progress which makes it nicer to hear. “What I wanted to tell you is that you're going to be a great mother.” 

 

“Thank you but… that doesn't feel like it's part of this.” Bucky says and she just smiles.

 

“I got ahead of myself. You're remembering bad things, yes?” Bucky nods. 

 

“Hydra related.”

 

“They're about children?” Bucky narrows his eyes.

 

“Have you been looking into my mind?” She's quick to clarify.

 

“No, I would never do that without your explicit permission. I'm just piecing things together. It's clear to me that you're regaining traumatic memories, and I realized that they must be related to children because of your pregnancy.”

 

“You're a smart kid.” Bucky murmurs and Wanda snorts.

 

“Thanks.” She fiddles with her sleeve. “But I think that your fears are coming to the surface in the form of memories. You were unable to help whoever is in your memories so you fear you'll be helpless when it comes to your daughter.” She says and Bucky freezes.

 

“Daughter?” Wanda seems to realize her mistake and pales.

 

“Oh crap!”

 

“You… do you think Myshka’s a girl?” Wanda nods slowly.

 

“You have a general aura around you. Males and females have distinct waves, like you and Steve. Myshka has similar waves because she's your daughter, but her waves are mostly female.” Bucky swallows thickly and blinks tears out of his eyes. 

 

“I, I… can you read her now?”

 

“You want me too?”

 

“Yes, please.” Wanda takes a deep breath and slowly puts her hands up.

 

“I'm going to have to get closer.”

 

“Go ahead.” She shifts closer and puts her hands over the swell of his stomach. Red wisps flow out of her hands and she's silent for a few minutes. A bright smile breaks out across her face. “What?”

 

“She's dreaming very peacefully.” She whispers, voice full of amazement. “But she's still listening and responding in her own way. I'm confident she'll be moving around very, very soon.” Bucky can't help but cry. 

 

“She's happy?”

 

“Extremely.” 

 

-

 

Wanda takes on a big role in his life. She essentially guards him whenever Steve isn't around and comes to visit him every day for hours at a time. Bucky grows very close to her and she becomes like a sister to him, even more so when she tells him about Myshka- who now has an actual name; Rosie. The bigger Rosie gets, the easier it is for Wanda to read her. Between T’Challa’s medical staff and Wanda, Bucky and Steve learn a lot about Rosie very quickly.

 

By the fifth month of Bucky’s pregnancy, Bucky starts to get extremely horny. He's all over Steve whenever he gets the chance. Steve is more than willing to go along with it at first, but when Bucky starts trying to jump him he has to put the brakes on. He cuddles, kisses, and touches Bucky as much as he wants but he won't have sex with him. 

 

It's driving Bucky insane.

 

Bucky’s been kissing Steve for half an hour and Steve has done nothing but put his hand on Bucky’s hip. He wants Steve more than he can take and Steve won't give in. He's aching for him, desperation having long since set in. Bucky rolls his hips against Steve’s and whines. “Steve, alpha, please?” Steve sighs.

 

“No, Buck.”

 

“Please? God alpha I need you.” He kisses Steve’s jaw. “пожалуйста?” Steve groans and shakes his head with a pained expression. Bucky’s playing dirty and he knows it; Steve is weak for Bucky speaking different languages. “я тебя хочу…” 

 

“Come on sugar, you know we can't. I could hurt Rosie.” Doctor Hodari warned them that because of the serum mixed with the pregnancy Bucky’s body is extra sensitive so sex is off the table. When they found that out, Bucky didn't think it would be a problem but now he's ready to cry from how much he needs sex. Bucky whines again and noses along Steve’s scent glands. “Sweetheart, no.”

 

“I need you, alpha. Please just touch me. Touch me…” 

 

“I am touching you.”

 

“Lasă-mă să aveți.” He moans. “Atinge-ma…” Bucky licks Steve’s shoulder and shifts his hips, knocking his hard cock against Steve’s. “Please alpha?” 

 

“Bucky, don't make this harder than it already is. You know how much I want you.” Steve sounds raw and hurt, like he wants it just as badly as Bucky does.

 

“I'm sweeter now, aren't I?” He purrs. “I smell like a good, kept, omega. I'm in my little nest and scenting the entire house. Everything smells like your pregnant mate. I'm a mated omega- your omega.” Steve’s breathing is starting to get shakier.

 

“Baby please…”

 

“I'm nice and sweet, aren't I? I'm wet for you.” Bucky murmurs and takes Steve’s hand. He slips it into the back of his pants and briefs, past his cleft. He's wet but not leaking yet, which could change very soon. Steve instinctively rubs a finger against his rim. His breath hitches and he puts his face in Steve’s neck. Steve’s scent is thick with arousal and clots in his nose. His head spins and he mewls. “Oh alpha..”

 

“Sweetheart, don't do this to me. I want you so much but I can't. I can't risk hurting the two of you, baby I just can't!” Steve’s voice is full of agony and it makes Bucky stop. He lets Steve take his hand back and slumps against his solid chest.

 

“M’sorry.” He mumbles. “I'm just so goddamn horny. I'm wet all the time and so hard, I'm scenting like I'm in heat. I dunno what to do.” He'd ask Doctor Hodari about it, but after the sex talk they already had it’d be embarrassing. Steve surprises him by slipping his hand down the front of his pants. He palms Bucky’s cock over top of his briefs and Bucky moans loudly. “Alpha?”

 

“I'm not going to knot or have sex with you, but that doesn't mean I won’t touch you. Now that I know how bad this has been for you I can't just ignore it. You've got needs, sugar, and I'm your alpha.” Steve kisses his forehead. “Take your pants off for me baby.” Bucky nods and pushes pushes down his pants and briefs then shimmies them off of him so that he can kick them onto the floor. “Good boy.” 

 

“I love you alpha.” Bucky whimpers and Steve takes his cock in hand. He strokes him evenly, his thumb running across the slit. He moans and moves his hips with the motion of his hand. “Oh god, alpha, Steve- please don't stop. Please don't stop!” 

 

“Don't worry, omega. I won't.” Steve speeds up his strokes and Bucky nibbles on his neck, tasting the arousal spilling off of him. He moans Steve’s name over and over until his throat aches. His cock throbs and his stomach tenses from the need to cum. “Mm you're my sweet boy, my perfect omega. You're giving me everything I've ever wanted. I love you so much.”

 

“S-Steve!” He sobs. His muscles tense and he cranes his neck to make what he wants clear. Steve moves back just enough to get his mouth over top of his bond mark. 

 

“Cum, omega.” Steve says and latches onto the mark. Bucky cums the second Steve’s teeth sink in and frantically rubs it into Steve’s skin. 

 

“Don't wash it off.” Bucky orders weakly. Steve chuckles and kisses his mark.

 

“Not until you tell me to.” 

 

-

 

By the seventh month, Rosie has pretty much doubled in size. She moves around constantly and it gives Bucky more pain than he thought a baby could. He still doesn't complain, not when he's wanted just that for his entire life, but that doesn't make it fun. Steve and Doctor Hodari’s insistence on bed rest isn't annoying anymore- now he insists on it and doesn't want to leave bed. That too comes with more problems; his muscles are tense and aching, and his inner glands are swollen so much that they're clogged with slick. The only solution is to manually decrease the pressure and Bucky refuses to let anyone but Steve near him.

 

Steve is between his spread thighs with a lubed finger inside of him. Normally Bucky would get some sort of pleasure out of it but he's too sore to like it. Every press of Steve’s finger sends jolts of pain up his spine and makes him twist instinctively in an attempt to get away. He's gotten Steve’s head in a death grip between his thighs multiple times in only twenty minutes. Thankfully after a week of practice Steve can get out of his holds.

 

“S’loose enough!” Bucky whines and shifts his hips. It only causes Steve’s finger to press harder into one of the glands and it really hurts. “Steve!” 

 

“You're still very swollen, sugar. You know I have to help take the swelling down.” 

 

“It hurts..” Steve looks up at him with a sad expression. He knew that Steve wasn't enjoying it either but he didn't know how much until right then. “How much more?”

 

“I think that in a few more minutes you'll be good for today.” Steve pushes his finger deeper and knocks against his prostate. There's a hint of pleasure there and it mixes with the pain to create a shocking feeling. Bucky gasps and tries his best to relax his body. He wants to work with Steve but it's so difficult. “It's okay, sugar. I promise I'll be done soon.” Bucky tries his hardest to remain still even though it really does hurt. 

 

“Alpha please..” 

 

“Can I lick you, omega?” Steve asks softly and Bucky’s eyes widen. Steve flushes pink. “It'll help more because my tongue is already wet.” 

 

“Okay.” Steve pulls his fingers out carefully and lowers himself. He licks across Bucky’s hole a few times then slides his tongue in. Bucky whines loudly and spreads his legs wider. Steve eats him out with slow strokes of his tongue and gentle movements of his lips. After a few minutes Bucky’s hips start to move and much to his surprise he starts to get hard. Steve speeds up his strokes a little and Bucky gasps, back arching. “S-Steve,” 

 

Slick starts to trickle onto Steve’s tongue and Bucky can feel the pressure easing. He lies back on the mound of pillows beneath him and forces his breathing to steady. Steve keeps going until Bucky’s cock is drooling precum and slick is sliding out at a steadier rate. When he pulls away Bucky feels just how much it helped- he doesn't feel as packed full as he did before. Steve wipes his mouth and crawls up the bed to lie beside him. Steve rubs his palm over Bucky’s bare shoulder and throat so that his scent transfers. Bucky settles down and looks at Steve. His alpha is staring at him with an expression so fond that it warms him from head to toe in under a minute. Rosie chooses then to kick and Bucky huffs, surprised. 

 

“She's feisty.” Steve says and smiles. Bucky takes his hand and rests it where Rosie kicked. He starts to rub without being told to. 

 

“Reminds me of you.” Bucky sighs. “Always lookin’ for a fight.” 

 

“I can't say that you're wrong.” His alpha starts to massage his stomach with caution. “But you've got a bite to ya too.” Bucky closes his eyes for a minute and finds it difficult to open them again. He's never felt so tired or so safe, least of all at the same time.

 

“No, I'm being good now.” Steve slides his thumb across his jaw and makes him open his eyes. Steve’s eyes are warm despite how blue they are.

 

“You've always been good, Buck. Always.” He doesn't have the heart to fight Steve on it. He can't tell Steve that there are still shadows clinging to his edges or how he's still unsure about his place outside of them. Instead he lets himself believe Steve because one day he'll be as good as Steve thinks he is, as good as he truly wants to be.

 

-

 

Bucky goes into labour at three in the morning, two weeks earlier than expected. Wanda is in their bedroom not ten minutes later and Steve is still in a panic. He's running around the room like a hurricane and shoving random things into a bag they don't need; the room T’Challa has waiting for them is stocked with everything necessary, even things that aren't. Steve is freaking out for absolutely no reason; it's very endearing. Wanda starts to help Bucky up and Steve turns, a low growl slipping through his barely parted lips. She doesn't startle, she continues to help him until Steve snaps out of his overprotective haze.

 

Bucky outright refused the idea of being transported anywhere in a wheelchair or anything other than walking, with the exception of being carried. Now it's clear that being carried is going to cause him unnecessary pain. “Sugar,” Steve starts and he shakes his head, silencing his alpha.

 

“I can't. Alpha I can't.” Bucky murmurs, more pleading than anything else. Steve looks distraught and Wanda tries her best to channel calming energy. Bucky presses his nose against Steve’s throat. “I can't.” 

 

“You can't have her here, baby. It's not clean enough and we don't have the team.” 

 

“I, no I want, I can't move alpha. It hurts!” Steve looks to Wanda nervously.

 

“Wanda, can you try to set something up?” Steve asks quietly. “Maybe try and bring someone here while I clean up?”

 

“Yeah, yeah I’ll do that.” Wanda dashes out of the room and Steve moves away from him. As soon as his warmth leaves him Bucky starts sobbing. 

 

“Don't leave me!” Bucky sobs hard. “Please Steve! Don't go again!” Steve runs back to him and kisses all over his face, runs his hands along every place he can reach without touching Bucky’s abdomen. “Steve,”

 

“I'm not going anywhere. I promise I'll never leave you or Rosie, never.” Steve laps at his bond mark. “I'm always gonna be here, sugar. I promise you.” 

 

“I love you..” Bucky whispers and shifts so that he's facing Steve as much as he can. His contractions are getting closer together and Rosie is shifting relentlessly. “Hurts, alpha,” 

 

“It'll be better soon, sweetheart. You're gonna be okay.” 

 

“I know.. I just, just want Rosie to be-” Bucky’s voice cracks when a sharp contraction hits him and he grips the bedpost hard. He breathes through his nose steadily and tries to focus on Steve’s hands that are all over him and his scent. Steve smells like safety and family. He can feel Steve’s love for both him and Rosie along with his instinctual urge to guard them from anyone who comes along. 

 

Doctor Hodari comes in with two nurses carrying supplies, T’Challa with one of his guards, and Wanda. They set up as quickly as they can and Steve stays true to his promise and doesn't leave his side. With the serum, Bucky will heal fast, so the team has to work quickly to get Rosie out before the incision closes itself. No anaesthesia will take away the pain unless it knocks him out and he won't allow that, so the delivery will be difficult. He trusts Doctor Hodari and his team so he's less worried than he normally would be. 

 

It takes less than half an hour to perform the c-section. Doctor Hodari and his team as well as T’Challa, his guard, and Wanda help in order to make it go as quickly as smoothly as possible. Bucky is used to worse happening to his body but the stress and Steve's nervous scent make it nearly impossible to remain calm. He only relaxes when he hears Rosie’s shrill cry; he hates hearing her distressed but it means that she's alive and alright. The doctor hands Rosie over to Steve a few minutes later and cleans Bucky up. Once Bucky is able to sit up a little Steve passes her to him.

 

Rosie has his blue-grey eyes and Steve’s blond hair; she looks like a perfect mix of both of them. Rosie looks at both of them in confusion before she settles against Bucky’s chest and reaches to hold one of his fingers. He feels a sense of happiness that he never thought he could. He's alive, free, and mated and given birth to a beautiful daughter. He's allowed to be happy without the threat of it being ripped away or being punished.

 

“When do I get to hold her?” Wanda asks with a hint of impatience. Bucky can't bring himself to pay any attention to anyone other than Rosie. 

 

“I've been waiting for you for so long.” He murmurs. “You're here now. You're safe- you'll always be safe.” He's so enamoured with her that he doesn't even hear the squabble happening around him.

 

“I'm the king so I call first dibs.” T’Challa declares. Wanda glares at him.

 

“No way. I called first dibs months ago.”

 

“As king of this land, I'm revoking your dibs.”

 

“You can't do that!”

 

“Show me the law that says I can't.” 

 

“I think we might have three kids now.” Steve whispers in his ear. Bucky laughs, loud and hearty.

 

“A family.” He says, happiness leaking from every pore.

 

“A family.” Steve repeats and kisses Bucky’s head while taking Rosie’s hand. “Our family.” He's never been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was super fun to write and I hope you've all enjoyed it. There'll definitely be more a/b/o fics in my future. Happy holidays! 
> 
> You can find me [tumblr](https://fuckyfarnes.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> You can reach me on [tumblr](https://fuckyfarnes.tumblr.com/)


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